THE SIXTY SEXIEST THINGS IN LIFE
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by Harold von Kursk
We don't need Freud to tell us how important a force
and how intense a role sex plays in our lives. Sex is
instinctual, sensory, and subliminal - it's at the
core of our being as well as constantly informing the
cool surfaces of things, moments, and impressions.
It's an electric vibe that can transform an innocuous
observation into an object of desire.
Sex is everywhere and everything. It can involve the
smallest smile that you get from your office
receptionist, or it can be that moment when you spot a
beautiful woman wearing a skimpy, silky top at a bar
on a hot summer night. Or the way a woman's breasts
stare you in the face when she's riding you on top.
But that is only sex at its most basic. Sex, or
sexiness, is rife in everything. It's a testament to
the intrinsic erotic beauty found in music, cars,
clothes, and the arts. Sex is hard-wired into our
brains so deeply that it registers our animalistic
impressions - whether they are of a Picasso nude or a
Warhol silkscreen or a hard core Helmut Newton photo
of two naked women in chains - directly to our dicks.
Sexuality has become so dominant in our culture of
late that every branch of mass media - TV, film,
print, the internet, et al - is competing for the
erotic attention of an increasingly sexually-charged
audience. The motto "sex sells" has never more
accurately described the attraction, commodification,
and mediatisation of sex in contemporary culture than
today.
The sexual revolution of the 60s helped reverse
centuries of denial and fluctuating waves of
repression, allowing sex to rear its glorious head and
unleash yet another pubic war against religious,
social, and political attempts to shackle, castrate,
or otherwise regulate how we have sex, why we have
sex, and how sex is expressed in the arts.
But as thinkers and artists from Freud to Dali to
Henry Moore to Marcuse have warned, for every act of
sexual liberation, there are opposing social forces at
work to suppress and deny the basic (sexual) facts of
existence. (EG. The Pope, George W. Bush, and
religious fundamentalists everywhere.)
So as a tribute to the prevailing layers of sex in
daily life, PLAYBOY SLOVAKIA has decided to pay
tribute to sixty symbols of sexual mystique, an erotic
tableau which celebrates the intrinsic sexiness of
things as well as the more overt emblems of sexual
consciousness.
When Hugh Hefner founded PLAYBOY, he understood the
role of sex and play in society. He pioneered the
celebration of sex as both a political and cultural
imperative, and, accordingly, we dedicate this erotic
panorama to Hef, a true sexual revolutionary if there
ever was one.
(NOTE TO READERS: In the following selection, we have
tried to avoid the most obvious and overt examples of
actual sexual activity, preferring to focus on the
often hidden yet innate pleasures of the flesh as
embodied in images, shapes, things, and arresting
moments.)
THE SIXTY SEXIEST THINGS IN LIFE
I - TEN PURE, UNFETTERED MOMENTS OF FAMILIAR AND
EXTRAORDINARY SEXUAL CURIOSITY, DISCOVERY, AND
ABANDONMENT
1. The first time you unbutton a woman's blouse,
remove her bra, and caress her breasts.
2. The first time you kiss any woman passionately.
There is little that compares to the intense sexual
curiosity and spark that comes from meeting a woman,
say at a party, or taking her home, and enjoying that
first tentative and searching kiss. The rest is
obvious and every bit as satisyfing if nor more, but
that first touch is always an exhilirating moment in
itself.
3. The sensation of picking up a girl, taking her
home, and her insisting that you tie her up and fuck
her brains out all night.
4. Massaging suntan oil onto your girlfriend's naked
back and breasts on a hot sandy beach. (Don't you
usually just want to jump her then and there!?)
5. Meeting a new girl at a wild party or nightclub
and dancing while tightly pressed to her and sweating
to the beat of loud, throbbing music.
6. Travelling across Europe, you spot a gorgeous girl
in skimpy clothes walking with a backpack in the
middle of the Plaza del Sol in Madrid. Through the
maze of people milling about the enormous square, she
smiles and waves at you, a moment you can replay in
your memory forever.
7. The way a woman's nipples (unrestrained by a bra)
poke through her T-shirt , blouse, or dress.
8. Lying in the sand on a beach, basking in the heat
of the sun, watching two strikingly beautiful topless
women walking by, imagining what it would be like to
invite them to a private party at in your hotel or
villa that night.
9. While shopping, you catch a glimpse of a salesgirl
in a loose-fitting summer dress that offers a glorious
side-view of her breasts; or the waitress at your
favourite café who very consciously wears a revealing
top and enjoys leaning over your table while serving
you.
10. Being awakened early in the morning by your
girlfriend giving you a blowjob for the ages. (It's
so good that you might drop a few hints mentioning
this particular phantasy with the hope that your woman
actually brings it to reality. If she doesn't, we
suggest finding a new girlfriend or sexual partner!)
II - TWENTY OVERPOWERINGLY CLASSIC SEXY FILM SEQUENCES
(TO STIR YOUR UTILITY BELT) THAT DESERVE TO BE
ENSHRINED
11. Sean Connery, as Agent 007 in FROM RUSSIA WITH
LOVE, sitting down at the bacarrat table, lighting a
cigarette, and introducing himself as, "Bond, James
Bond." This is the quintessential moment of sexual
cool and Connery's feline swagger as Bond has helped
shape the modern definition of male macho.
12. Ursula Andress walking out of the sea and onto
the beach in Dr. No in her sensational white bikini.
A moment of mythic proportions in film history,
subsequently recaptured to full measure when Halle
Berry did much the same thing in
13. Marlon Brando ravishing Maria Schneider in LAST
TANGO IN PARIS and saying, "More butter." This film
still ranks as one of the most powerful sexual stories
ever told on screen, a tribute to Bertolucci at his
best and Marlon Brando who gives what is arugably the
most deeply mysterious, anguish, and compelling
performance of his career.
14. Sue Lyons sitting in a chair and pouting sexily
at James Mason in Stanley Kubrick's LOLITA, based on
the Nabokov classic. Though certainly older than the
nymphet Nabokov intended in his novella, Kurbrick
succeeded in capturing the erotic intensity of a
female beauty as expressed through an older man's
obsessive lust for a young teenage vixen.
15. Jean Seberg in Godard's pathbreaking Nouvelle
Vague classic A BOUT DE SOUFFLE walking along the
Champs-d'Elysee and calling out, "International Herald
Tribune...International Herald Tribune...".
16. Marcello Mastroianni strutting about in
sunglasses and hat in Fellini's 8 and 1/2, or in La
Dolce Vita, or in Antonioni's La Notte, or in just
about any of his classic Italian films.
17. Sharon Stone uncrossing her legs in BASIC
INSTINCT, and generally flaunting her sexuality with
Michael Douglas as her "shooter" of choice.
18. Jack Nicholson and Jessica Lange in the kitchen
table sex scene in THE POSTMAN ALWAYS RINGS TWICE.
19. Charlize Theron dancing in Woody Allen's
CELEBRITY while a stunned Kenneth Branagh (in the
Woody role) is left rapt and gaping. (Also, Natalie
Portman doing a striptease in front of Clive Owen in
CLOSER, the austere Mike Nichols drama.)
20. Scarlett Johansson and Bill Murray's sexless love
scene in LOST IN TRANSLATION where they lie next to
each other in bed and talk about life and hope and
small things which add up to much more. And the
moment Bill Murray spots her walking along a crowded
street, jumps out of his cab, and runs over to embrace
her. (Maybe not so terribly sexual, but extremely
romantic and touching.) Also, Jonathan Rhys Meyers
flirting with and later having sex with Johansson in
Woody Allen's latest film, MATCH POINT.
21. Halle Berry and Billy Bob Thornton's
excruciating, captivating sex scene in Monster's Ball.
22. Jeremy Irons and Juliet Binoche having disturbing
sex in DAMAGE.
23. Ethan Hawke doing sketches of a naked Gwyneth
Paltrow in GREAT EXPECTATIONS.
24. In Paul Schrader's AMERICAN GIGOLA, Richard
Gere's character, Julian Kay, the Armani-tailored male
escort, in a moment of self-indulgent abandon,
playfully arranges his shirts and ties into various
matching arrangements while a classic Smokey Robinson
tune accompanies his sheer delight.
25. Eva Green's spectacularly pendulous and shapely
breasts in Bertolucci's THE DREAMERS. (As the new
Bond girl, we hope Daniel Craig gets a flash of her
sublime flesh.)
26. Sinead O'Connnor looking directly in to the
camera, her head shaved, against a pure black
backdrop, singing, "Nothing Compares to U." The image
is so stunningly simple, beautiful, and almost
frighteningly sexy and haunting at the same time. A
great video to have sex to.
27. Donald Sutherland and Julie Christie having real
sex in the brilliant Nicolas Roeg film, DON'T LOOK
NOW.
28. The champagne pouring down Salma Hayek's body in
FROM DUSK TILL DAWN and Quentin Tarantino drinking
from her toes. A signal instance of supremely erotic
cinematic language.
29. David Hemmings frollicking with two naked
nymphets in Antonioni's BLOW-UP.
30. Anthony Quinn and Alan Bates dancing and breaking
plates in ZORBA THE GREEK.
III - FIVE STAGGERINGLY SEXY CARS (TO MASSAGE YOUR
SELF-IMAGE)
31. The Aston Martin Zagato (the James Bond DB-V
model also does the trick.) One of the sexiest and
singularly high-performance cars of the last twenty
years.
32. The Maserati Ghibli Spyder (1969 - 72) One of
the most aggressive sports car designs ever, the
Ghibli Spyder was powered by a V-8 engine with four
dual-throated Weber DCNL carburetors, which delivered
355 horsepower at 5,500 rpm in the 4900 Ghibli SS
model. Only 125 of these extraordinary machines were
ever built (only 50 of the SS series), and it remains
one of the most sought-after and highly prized
collector cars.
33. The Bizzarini GT Strada 5300. When Giotto
Bizzarini, a Ferrari designer left the company in
1961, he went on to create some of the most stunningly
desgined sports cars of the era.
Using a 327 cubic-inch Corvette motor, the Strada
revolutionised auto design. Unfortunately, Bizzarini
could not survive in a highly competitive market
against Ferrari, Maserati, DeTomaso, and the Ford
Shelby, and in 1969 he shut his factory after
producing only an estimated 90 of the Strada and its
Ifo variation.
34. The Porsche 356 Speedster cabriolet, particularly
the 1963 SC version. One of the purest and most basic
and most beautiful of all auto designs, the Speedster
was designed primarily as a California sports car to
take advantage of the money of wealthy Hollywood stars
and producers and the more convertible-friendly
climate. The 356 Speedster's famous race car sister,
the 550 Spyder, was the Porsche in which James Dean
was killed on September 30, 1955, forever
immortalising that particular model, too.
35. The 1967-68 Ford Shelby Mustang GT 350 and 500.
One of the best American muscle cars ever built, the
GT 500 in particular, benefitting from the Cobra
LeMans 428 cubic inch V-8 engine, a street version of
the 427 which Shelby used to win the French Grand
Prix. The GT 500 could reach 60 mph in 6.5 seconds, a
very fast mark for the time.
This car was turned into an automotive icon during the
classic 12-minute car chase in BULLITT with Steve
McQueen and his 1968 Ford GT 350 Mustang screeching
and bouncing his way through the hilly streets of San
Francisco before climaxing along the Pacific Coast
Highway is one of the most purely sensational visual
scenes in the cinema.
(We could add at least twenty more sexually-charged
sports cars, but definite honourable mentions would go
to the Mercedes 280 SL Roadster Gullwing, the Ferrari
Dino 246 GT 1973 and the Ferrari 365 GTB/4 California
Daytona Spyder, the 2005 Ferrari Enzo, as well as
classic American muscle cars like the Dodge Charger,
the late fifties Corvettes, as well as the 1964 Ford
Thunderbird.)
IV - TEN SHATTERINGLY SEXY WOMEN (AND SOME MEN) AND
THEIR MOST SENSATIONAL SEXUAL ATTRIBUTES
36. Salma Hayek's spectacularly bulbous breasts
(fully in view in ASK THE DUST, the upcoming Robert
Towne-directed film co-starring Colin Farrell. (With
honourable mention to Jamie Lee Curtis's briefly
glimpsed naked breasts in TRADING PLACES and Heidi
Klum's powerfully pert pair).
37. Daniela Hantuchova's torrid, tapered legs. (If
only she could learn to serve, calm her nerves, and
eat a ham and cheese sandwich.)
38. "Lost"'s Evangeline Lilly's cheekbones, with
special mention to Kate Moss's sculpted facial
features.
39. Adriana Lima's perfect body.
40. Beyoncé Knowles's bodilicous ass (honourable
mentions to J-Lo, Anna Kournikova, and Helena
Christensen.)
41. Spanish sex babe Paz Vega's voluptuous frame, as
sexually immortalised in Julio Medem's SEX AND LUCIA,
and the man with the salami-like dick.
42. Italian beauty Francesca Neri, looking rapt and
raw, while being pleasured by Javier Bardem in Pedro
Almodovar's LIVE FLESH.
43. Jude Law looking like a golden god in Anthony
Minghella's THE TALENTED MR. RIPLEY.
44. Sienna Miller looking ravishingly delicious while
nakedly cavorting opposite then-boyfriend Jude Law in
the otherwise extremely forgettable ALFIE remake.
45. Tony Curtis soaping Laurence Olivier's back in
Spartacus.
V - TEN ARRESTINGLY SEXY SONGS (TO TAKE YOUR BREATH
AWAY AND RAISE SEXUAL TENSIONS TO MAXIMUM THRESHOLD
LEVELS)
46. The Police's "Every Breath You Take," a song
which was actually a carefully veiled reference to
Sting's encounter with a woman who became obsessed
with him.
47. Ravel's "Bolero," especially the recording as
made famous in the Dudley Moore - Bo Derek film, "10."
48. Jimi Hendrix's 1969-70 New Year's Eve live
recording of "Machine Gun" at the Fillmore East
concert hall, enshrined for posterity in his Band of
Gypsys album.
49. Procol Harem's "White Shade of Pale," again
having found cinematic expression and extension in the
Martin Scorsese portion of NEW YORK STORIES, with
Rosanna Arquette as the object of Nick Nolte's sexual
obsession.
50. The RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS recording of the music
video version of "Give it away," from the BLOOD,
SUGAR, SEX, MAGIC album performed in the California
desert, wearing silver makeup, and directed by Gus Van
Sant.
51. Miles Davis's haunting and sublimely sexual score
to Louis Malle's classic 1958 film, Ascenseur pour
l'Echafaud (Elevator to the Gallows).
52. John Coltrane's live performance of "My Favorite
Things," especially while listening to the set on a
hot summer night at 3 in the morning while having
slow, sensual sex with your girlfriend.
53. Jim Morrisson performing L.A. Woman and Riders on
the Storm with the Doors. The lead singer for The
Doors was a revolutionary poet in his own right, an
implacable psycho-sexual troubador whose music
expressed a profound rejection of conservative values.
There are many pretenders to the throne of musical
rebellion, but Morrison was an authentic ambassador of
a revolt, a cunning sexual icon whose vocal tracks
steered music into territory that no band has ever
truly been able of rediscovering.
54. Chris Isaak singing "Simple Game" over his
appearance with Helena Christensen in Bruce Weber's
iconic music video shot in black & white on a
California beach.
VI - A FEW ABSURDLY MEMORABLE YET STAGGERINGLY
SYMBOLIC MOMENTS OF PURE SEXINESS
55. The late great Freddie Mercury preening and
posing and celebrating his sexuality on stage while
performing with his band, the aptly named QUEEN.
56. Ivo Pogorelich playing Chopin. Arguably the
greatest living pianist since Horowitz, the dashing
Croat Pogorelich has often played ten encores to
satisfy the pent-up musical lust of his admiring and
largely female audiences.
57. Ronaldinho swerving and dancing his way through
opposing teams' defences, his magnificent foot then
sending the ball soaring past dismayed goalkeepers.
58. The sight of French nymphet actress Ludovine
Sagnier lying naked poolside in Francois Ozon's 2004
erotic thriller, SWIMMING POOL. Sagnier's superb
breasts and soft skin offer audiences some of the most
purely erotic moments in recent film memory.
59. Luciano Pavarotti singing Puccini's Nessum Dorma
in the live concert with the Three Tenors.
60. Giselle Bünchen strutting down the catwalk and
flashing that insanely sexy smile of hers.
